The Tie That Binds

"It doesn't matter that we haven't seen each other much through the years, we are still family. So, remember, if you need anything, you have family close by." Uncle L.'s parting words to the princess as we bade farewell outside the Perkin's restaurant on the morning that we drove her down to begin New Student Week at Carleton brought tears to my eyes. And the sentiment expressed is one factor that makes the princess's faraway absence a bit less bitter for us. To quote from an essay I wrote some 25+ years ago for a college writing class: "Suffice it to say, when it comes to family ties, I'm all bound up--relatively speaking." This followed a lengthy narration of various recent facts about many of my relatives' lives, and was meant to cleverly convey how blessed I felt having a large extended family. The professor--one of my very favorites ever--even appreciated the sentence and its silly pun, scrawling "clever" in the margin. And, despite the passing of 25 years, let me state for the record that I am still convinced that having a heavily-peopled family is an immense blessing. And of course, the term now includes the dear bride's dear not-unsizeable family as well.

It is this loving, caring branch of the family that we got to connect with when we made the daughter delivery journey to MN. The lovely bride's amazing Papa also drove to MN from CA to be with us for this important family "journey," and we appreciated generous hospitality for two nights at the home of one Uncle and Aunt. Another Uncle and Aunt arranged a Labor Day family picnic at a park that was attended by 40 some relatives: all the bride's dear Mother's three brothers and their families; everyone brought their culinary specialties, so we basked in the warm MN sunshine (without the usual mosquitoes and humidity) and we feasted on tasty MN vittles, as we basked in the warmth and love of our MN family. Fun seeing the "babies" of cousins that we'd only heard about or seen pictures of, and witnessing the cousins in their roles as parents, and meeting some as young adults that we'd only met before as toddlers. Enjoyed sharing with cousins the stories of lives and jobs and travels, recalling memories of "Grandma's farmhouse" and visits there, seeing photos of an older family farmhouse in ND where the family had lived when the bride's Mother was born, and headstones of family members in the Lutheran cemetery there. So touching was the genuine interest and care that many of the relatives expressed for the princess and her new MN college adventure, and the offers to help with anything that may be needed or desired. And all for an introverted 18-year-old that they may have only met once as a toddler--but because she is FAMILY, and they are nearby. I don't believe she has yet taken up the offer of one cousin and his wife for a weekend getaway from college--to come hang out at their home or go sightseeing--but she has their e-mail and she may find a moment when Russian studies or various creative activities are not demanding all her time and drop them a line. The Uncles and Aunts requested her e-mail and number too in case they decide to drop by to invite her to dinner or to see a play or concert with some of the young cousins close to her age. And the one Uncle and Aunt already have plans to pick her up at college after her finals before Thanksgiving and take her to the Amtrak station for her ride home for winter break. We purchased her ticket recently, so now we need to let them know the details. What a blessing family is!

Details from other recent family goings-on contribute nicely to our theme here too. About a year ago, my second-oldest niece was married, and on the same weekend this year--a couple weeks ago--my third-oldest niece was married. (First was married six years ago--also on a mountain top; four more to go.) Both beautiful, peaceful girls are Forest Service employees with equally nature-loving husbands, so the celebrations were held in scenic outdoor locations, a bit removed from conveniences like shelter, electricity, water. They were grand affairs with many friends and family in attendance--many dogs too. Decorations were charming, outdoorsy, and plentiful. Food was home-cooked, tasty, abundant, and eaten from various vintage china; libations were free-flowing. . . music was homey and spirited. And let me not forget--there were lots of pies, replacing wedding cake as the celebratory dessert at both festivities. So, ask how the "wedding coordinator" (mother-of-the-bride, in both these cases--my sisters) sees to it that everything gets done in the desired manner in the rustic setting. I bet you know my answer. Family. And friends. And both weddings were lovely celebrations, masterfully orchestrated. So inspiring to see family working diligently to assure that these lovely young brides and their charming guys were most joyously celebrated on their special days: Grandma exiting the ceremony rapidly to finish mashing the potatoes for the meal; sister of bride's mother acting as "bride's maid" for mother-of-the-bride, assuring that she is decorously attired and timely presented; cousins and aunties and others carrying in dozens of home-baked pies and artfully arranging them on the dessert table; uncles and cousins and brothers pitching in with pitching tents for this shelter or that. . . So the weddings truly became a celebration of family on many levels. And, as always, it was wondrous to gather with the family for the festivities. Never too many opportunities for that.

Finally, a final word on FAMILY for now. I had a chance to visit frequently with my grandmother recently as she was living at a care facility in my town while she healed after an unfortunate fall at her home. I was able to make it up to visit her each week for a couple hours, and visiting Grandma has always been a blessing to me. She is 94 now, but has always been one of the wisest, spunkiest, and funniest women I've known. I have a treasure trove of "Grandma-isms" in my mental file cabinet that I access when I need help keeping life in the proper perspective. And, believe me, it's been a hugely helpful and valuable file through the years. Every time I would go see Gram during her several week stay, her positivity was inspiring. There was never a complaint about her circumstances; in fact, usually she would generously compliment the food, and the people and her care there, sometimes repeatedly in the same visit. Amazing! I am sure it was Grandma's positive outlook that aided in her healing and to her release to return home about a month ago. But, during my visits, of course, we would talk about the family. Most of my adult life, I have gotten my news about extended family from my Grandma because she was always a prolific letter writer and she shared what was going on with the relatives. Personal visits are no exception, so I got the family run-down--complete with Grandma's honest reactions to it all. And, most every visit with Grandma this summer/fall included--after our family-chats--a declaration that went something like this: "Well, our family has really been blessed with everyone, hasn't it?" And, no one can argue with the wisdom of Grandma!

Why the Hippo?

Unless you've known me for a super long time, you may have wondered about my choice of a profile photo. Of course, I am not literally a large and reportedly fairly fierce African river mammal, but it has long been my chosen personal mascot. It all began in my very early childhood--couldn't tell you how early exactly, but very young--when someone presented me with a very tiny blue plastic hippo figurine. Very cute. Don't even remember who gave it to me; maybe it was Mom or it could have been Grandma, but I quickly became very attached to it--thought hippos were the coolest animals ever. Sometime later--still very young, my Grandma gave me a book for my birthday about a hippopotamus that feels "inconspicuous" among all her many relatives at the river, so she goes to the city where she can be special. The inconspicuous hippo is named Veronica, and--as you may imagine--she has a hard time fitting in in the city. Many of the citizens get angry with her, as she swallows down a whole cartful of produce from the vegetable vendor, stomps on toes of the crowds in the subway, and causes serious traffic issues when she gets stuck trying to squeeze through a too-narrow gateway. Eventually, some kind citizen takes pity on her and helps transport Veronica back to the river where she belongs, and she then realizes she is quite happy being inconspicuous after all. Very charming kids' book, and apparently it helped cement my early fascination with hippos.

I still have the tiny blue hippo (even know exactly where she is displayed in my home) and many dozens more hippos: toys, figurines, ornaments, stuffed animals, gadgets, clothing, tools. You see, due to this early passion, my family through the years has used the theme rather rigorously in their gifting ideas for me. Very cool! For awhile, I even gave them all names and kept a running-register with their chosen moniker, the date given, and the giver of the gift; I would diligently record the new information each time I was given a new hippo gift. Seems almost creepy now, as I describe my compulsive habits. But, it does enlighten as to the extent of my dedication--or is that obsession?

And, if you need more proof of my juvenile commitment, let me confess a further piece of incriminating evidence. At some very young age, I was apparently so enthralled with them that I declared, "I'm going to marry a hippo when I grow up." Naturally, my social and biological awareness matured as I grew up, and my bride of now nearly 22 years is an inspiring and beautiful soul, who has good-naturedly endured the inevitable jibes stemming from my childish declaration. She has also valiantly tolerated the "hippo invasion," and in fact, has even contributed to it a bit. The hippo sculpture half-pictured in my profile photo is a replica of a very old artifact from Egypt. The original art piece is apparently on display at the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York; the hippo is named William, and he is the unofficial mascot for the museum, and of course the "Met" sells various replicas of William. The precious bride has purchased me a set of William Christmas-tree ornaments, and also a stuffed-animal version at some point through the years. He is very cool!

When I was in high-school or college, I found a rubber stamp that was of a smiling hippo head, and I knew I needed it for my hippo-themed life. For several years, the stamp served as my signature on all the letters I wrote, and it functioned as a nameplate in my books, branding them as my property. I'm sure the stamp is still carefully tucked away in some box or other in my house, but I certainly don't know where. So, now, knowing more than you ever cared to of my personal history with hippopotami, perhaps you can see why I feel it's a fitting identity icon.

And, oh yes--one more thing. The etymology of hippopotamus is from the Greek, and it translates as "water horse." This little fact adds even another layer of meaningfulness and connection for me. My family is a horse family, and my gentle horse was my best friend during my childhood. My dear bride grew up not far from the beach, so she is fairly enraptured with the ocean, and the two of us tend to spend a lot of our leisurely together-time escaping to the lure and lull of peaceful waters--whether it's strolling in the "crick" at my folks', beach-combing or playing in the surf on the coast, lounging, swimming or simply enjoying the view at a scenic lake, or soaking in a bubbly, relaxing hot-springs. So, you see, "water horse" aptly entwines our histories and signifies our peaceful togetherness in a very personal manner. And, that's why a hippo.

Autumn's Artistry: Change and Beauty

So, yeah--it's been awhile, huh? But, I think I have a plan that may help keep me a more regular contributor here. The lovely bride's work situation has undergone lots of changes in the past months: retiring friends, construction, re-organization with new staff, but it's the shift scheduling changes wherein I have found the factor which I hope will aid in more diligent attention to communicating here. You see, every week she has a couple 11 1/2 hour shifts, so she works until 7:30 p.m. on either Monday or Tuesday each week. Since my cushy school job finishes for the day around 3:00, I have a few hours at home alone on these days, so my intended plan is to force myself to compose an entry during my "home alone" moments each week. As you may already know, or have intuitively inferred from these random personality glimpses, I've never been described (or accused) as one leading a rigidly routine, slightly structured, or even mildly organized lifestyle. So, I appreciate your wishes of high resolve and "stick-to-it-iveness" for my success with this plan.

And, last you heard, we were learning to adjust to an "emptying nest" as our brilliant son headed out to seek his fortune --or prepare for it anyway--attending university at Montana State about five hours away. He's still there, and still having a grand time staying involved in several activities and saturated in academia to satisfy his double majors of Mathematics and Computer Science. In fact, he just got notification from the Math department declaring that they had selected him "to be honored as one of our outstanding undergraduate students," and that he "will be presented a certificate of membership to Pi Mu Epsilon--the national honorary mathematics society." Really don't see him caring too much about this, but it sounds impressive to me, and of course, I always like it when others recognize the brilliance of my kids. (You are remembering my purely prejudice-free parental reporting habits, aren't you?) He also participated in a computer programming competition about a month ago, and was excited to report to us as we picked him up for dinner that evening that his team won third place out of the ten teams that competed. The winning team was of grad students from a different institution. He lives off-campus this year with, officially, two friends who are in "sword-fighting club" with him, but any time we have visited, there are many more bodies than just the three of them occupying the apartment. They have a good time with a lot of gaming together and cooperatively learning about living on their own. There has been talk of us joining "the gang" for Thanksgiving to help them cook and celebrate, as many of them are from the east coast and will not be headed home for their short three-day break. I will report how that all turns out in a later post.

But we were talking about an "emptying nest"; so, let me tell you the life lesson learned from having only two children quite close in age is that "emptying" evolves into just "plumb empty" rather rapidly. And the lesson happens to be the kind that has no way of really preparing yourself for it. So, you can imagine the emotional fallout that prevailed on the September day that the bride and I left the princess to pursue her passions at Carleton College in faraway Minnesota. And the empty quietness that accompanied our drive back, and the eerie hollowness that even yet echoes through the hallways at home. And yet, we are bit by bit adjusting; a gradual loosening of the choke-hold of lonesomeness, longer lapses between the crushing panic of the looming unknown. Like autumn's artistry slowly stippling the bushes with her brilliant hues, we too are heralding the changes life brings, and seeking to create beauty from these frosty times. We revel over each word we receive from her in e-mail--suffering the sometimes two or three days between. And we are buoyed by the adventures she reports of and the festive times she so creatively describes: werewolf hunting with newly acquired friends on full-moon evenings in the 880 acre woods on her campus; an inspiring visit --awash with awesome costumery and other random medieval merriment--to the MN Renaissance Faire in Minneapolis; late night favorite movie viewings with a friend at the brand new campus cinema, apple-picking traditions at a local orchard yielding a half-peck of fresh fruit for dorm-room snacks while attending to homework or laundry in the wee hours; traveling again to the cities to see Shakespeare's "Much Ado About Nothing" at the famed Guthrie Theatre; and simply the fascination of meeting many other bright and creative people from all across the country and world. How excited we are for her and the epic experiences she is having!

And we wince with her in her pangs of frustration or confusion as she boldly attempts to master the Russian language, or comprehend the profundities and random heady theories of various linguistic philosophers, or to extrapolate all the subtle motivations behind various cinematic or theatrical roles. Or--outside the classroom--struggles in search of that magic time-balance that allows for maximum fun, admirable academic acuity, and enough sleep to accomplish the other two. She has sprinkled her rigorous schedule with a couple "just for fun" courses as well; she enjoyed learning the partner cha-cha (and several others by now, I'm sure) in her Social Dance P.E. class, and has fun polishing up her vocal music skills at her weekly voice lessons too. Add in work-study hours at the dining hall, and the other mundane (but necessary) worries like laundry, money, keeping track of your room key, and perhaps our procrastinatory collegiate lassie is learning some new life lessons as well. What a remarkable era of growth the college years are; don't you remember?

And in our adjustment to the suddenly-empty rooms, dinner-table, and evening activities, the wondrous bride and I are working on finding balance as well. Some aspects of our daily life have been pleasantly simplified: grilled peppers and onions can be part of most every dinner; deciding on a movie is no longer an hour-long process of choices and eliminations; we get out of bed about 40 minutes before needing to be at work in the morning; far fewer drop-off or pick-up trips across town to the high school or friends' houses. Some moments remain rather rough to handle: sitting alone in church missing the joyful and vibrant voice singing next to me; the occasional third or fourth day with no e-mail assuring that all is well; the compilation of moments she would have particularly enjoyed--Chinese dining, British movie viewing, quirky discussions. . . I am sure you get the point. In all this, we thank God for His promise: "Lo, I am with you always," knowing that He'll continue helping us grow and adjust to the difficult changes and new dynamics of our family life. Thank YOU also for your prayers.

As the seasons evolve--literally and symbolically, let's remember to rest in the promises and providence of our omnipotent and unchanging Lord. In Him alone can we find the assurance to face the changes and challenges of our lives, certain of His grace and guidance through it all. Have a blessed Autumn! Talk to you next week--hopefully!