The Tie That Binds

"It doesn't matter that we haven't seen each other much through the years, we are still family. So, remember, if you need anything, you have family close by." Uncle L.'s parting words to the princess as we bade farewell outside the Perkin's restaurant on the morning that we drove her down to begin New Student Week at Carleton brought tears to my eyes. And the sentiment expressed is one factor that makes the princess's faraway absence a bit less bitter for us. To quote from an essay I wrote some 25+ years ago for a college writing class: "Suffice it to say, when it comes to family ties, I'm all bound up--relatively speaking." This followed a lengthy narration of various recent facts about many of my relatives' lives, and was meant to cleverly convey how blessed I felt having a large extended family. The professor--one of my very favorites ever--even appreciated the sentence and its silly pun, scrawling "clever" in the margin. And, despite the passing of 25 years, let me state for the record that I am still convinced that having a heavily-peopled family is an immense blessing. And of course, the term now includes the dear bride's dear not-unsizeable family as well.

It is this loving, caring branch of the family that we got to connect with when we made the daughter delivery journey to MN. The lovely bride's amazing Papa also drove to MN from CA to be with us for this important family "journey," and we appreciated generous hospitality for two nights at the home of one Uncle and Aunt. Another Uncle and Aunt arranged a Labor Day family picnic at a park that was attended by 40 some relatives: all the bride's dear Mother's three brothers and their families; everyone brought their culinary specialties, so we basked in the warm MN sunshine (without the usual mosquitoes and humidity) and we feasted on tasty MN vittles, as we basked in the warmth and love of our MN family. Fun seeing the "babies" of cousins that we'd only heard about or seen pictures of, and witnessing the cousins in their roles as parents, and meeting some as young adults that we'd only met before as toddlers. Enjoyed sharing with cousins the stories of lives and jobs and travels, recalling memories of "Grandma's farmhouse" and visits there, seeing photos of an older family farmhouse in ND where the family had lived when the bride's Mother was born, and headstones of family members in the Lutheran cemetery there. So touching was the genuine interest and care that many of the relatives expressed for the princess and her new MN college adventure, and the offers to help with anything that may be needed or desired. And all for an introverted 18-year-old that they may have only met once as a toddler--but because she is FAMILY, and they are nearby. I don't believe she has yet taken up the offer of one cousin and his wife for a weekend getaway from college--to come hang out at their home or go sightseeing--but she has their e-mail and she may find a moment when Russian studies or various creative activities are not demanding all her time and drop them a line. The Uncles and Aunts requested her e-mail and number too in case they decide to drop by to invite her to dinner or to see a play or concert with some of the young cousins close to her age. And the one Uncle and Aunt already have plans to pick her up at college after her finals before Thanksgiving and take her to the Amtrak station for her ride home for winter break. We purchased her ticket recently, so now we need to let them know the details. What a blessing family is!

Details from other recent family goings-on contribute nicely to our theme here too. About a year ago, my second-oldest niece was married, and on the same weekend this year--a couple weeks ago--my third-oldest niece was married. (First was married six years ago--also on a mountain top; four more to go.) Both beautiful, peaceful girls are Forest Service employees with equally nature-loving husbands, so the celebrations were held in scenic outdoor locations, a bit removed from conveniences like shelter, electricity, water. They were grand affairs with many friends and family in attendance--many dogs too. Decorations were charming, outdoorsy, and plentiful. Food was home-cooked, tasty, abundant, and eaten from various vintage china; libations were free-flowing. . . music was homey and spirited. And let me not forget--there were lots of pies, replacing wedding cake as the celebratory dessert at both festivities. So, ask how the "wedding coordinator" (mother-of-the-bride, in both these cases--my sisters) sees to it that everything gets done in the desired manner in the rustic setting. I bet you know my answer. Family. And friends. And both weddings were lovely celebrations, masterfully orchestrated. So inspiring to see family working diligently to assure that these lovely young brides and their charming guys were most joyously celebrated on their special days: Grandma exiting the ceremony rapidly to finish mashing the potatoes for the meal; sister of bride's mother acting as "bride's maid" for mother-of-the-bride, assuring that she is decorously attired and timely presented; cousins and aunties and others carrying in dozens of home-baked pies and artfully arranging them on the dessert table; uncles and cousins and brothers pitching in with pitching tents for this shelter or that. . . So the weddings truly became a celebration of family on many levels. And, as always, it was wondrous to gather with the family for the festivities. Never too many opportunities for that.

Finally, a final word on FAMILY for now. I had a chance to visit frequently with my grandmother recently as she was living at a care facility in my town while she healed after an unfortunate fall at her home. I was able to make it up to visit her each week for a couple hours, and visiting Grandma has always been a blessing to me. She is 94 now, but has always been one of the wisest, spunkiest, and funniest women I've known. I have a treasure trove of "Grandma-isms" in my mental file cabinet that I access when I need help keeping life in the proper perspective. And, believe me, it's been a hugely helpful and valuable file through the years. Every time I would go see Gram during her several week stay, her positivity was inspiring. There was never a complaint about her circumstances; in fact, usually she would generously compliment the food, and the people and her care there, sometimes repeatedly in the same visit. Amazing! I am sure it was Grandma's positive outlook that aided in her healing and to her release to return home about a month ago. But, during my visits, of course, we would talk about the family. Most of my adult life, I have gotten my news about extended family from my Grandma because she was always a prolific letter writer and she shared what was going on with the relatives. Personal visits are no exception, so I got the family run-down--complete with Grandma's honest reactions to it all. And, most every visit with Grandma this summer/fall included--after our family-chats--a declaration that went something like this: "Well, our family has really been blessed with everyone, hasn't it?" And, no one can argue with the wisdom of Grandma!